Back to December  A Quick Songfic
by wencho17
Summary: Quinn and Puck are absolutely perfect for each other. This is my first songfic so hopefully I did it right. It tells the story of a conversation Quinn and Puck could have had after she gave Beth up for adoption set to the song Back to December by T Swift.


_**AN: Hey guys! So I was going through songs to use in the Quick fic I am currently working on and I came across this gem and as I read through the lyrics over and over again, I realized that it was the perfect song to describe Quinn and Puck. So I had this idea to put it up as a song fic before using it in my other story. It's my first songfic so hopefully I did it right and hopefully you guys enjoy it! Let me know how it turned out!**_

_**Song is: Back to December by Taylor Swift **_

_**I'm so glad you made time to see me**_

"Hey, can we talk?" Quinn asked Puck one day after glee.

"Yeah I guess," he shrugged, unsure of why now, after everything that happened she would want to talk to him.

_**How's life, tell me how's your family?**_

"How are you?" she asked timidly.

"Okay considering all the crap I've been through," he said.

"Yeah, I guess I can understand that," she said softly knowing she was the cause of most of his pain.

_**I haven't seen them in awhile**_

"So uh how's your mom and Sarah?" she asked.

"They're good," he said.

"That's good," she added, tears hiding behind her eyes.

_**You've been good, busier than ever**_

"So what have you been up to?" she continued, trying to find the right words to say to him. Things had been so different ever since that day.

"Busy," he responded. "I've been doing a lot of work around the neighborhood and with school work, I'm just trying to keep myself busy. When I'm busy I don't have time to remember."

_**We small talk, work and the weather**_

She bit her lip. It was tense. She didn't know what to say. He still didn't forgive her for what happened.

"So uh what kind of work are you doing?" she asked, keeping up the meaningless small talk.

_**Your guard is up and I know why**_

"What are you trying to do here?" he finally asked.

"What do you mean?" she asked confused.

"This small talk business," he clarified. "What's the deal? If you have something to say to me just say it."

_**Because the last time you saw me is still burned in the back of your mind**_

She sighed. "You hate me don't you?" she asked. "You hate me because I gave her up."

"I don't hate you," he said, the anger starting to subside. "I just don't understand."

_**You gave me roses and I left them there to die**_

"What don't you understand?" she questioned. "I told you why I did it. We were too young. We couldn't raise a baby."

"No, it's not that Quinn," he commented. "I know why you gave up Beth and I don't hate you. I just don't understand why you didn't let me try. I told you I loved you and you just, you said nothing. You didn't believe it and you just walked away. I had to lose you and my daughter in the same day and it made me die a little bit inside."

_**So this is me swallowing my pride, standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night**_

"I, I, you need to know that everything you did to me meant so much to me, more than words could express," she began. "I'm just so sorry that everything turned out the way it did. You deserve better than me Puck, you always have."

"What if I don't want better than you," he said. "All I wanted was you, faults and all, but you didn't reciprocate. Sorry isn't good enough Quinn, you broke my heart."

_**And I go back to December all the time**_

"I'll never forget that day," she smiled. "When you held her for the first time, it gave me hope that everything was going to be alright."

"Then why couldn't you give us a chance?" he asked sadly.

"Every time I'm sad or confused or hurt or angry, I think about that moment and it makes me smile," she said. "I think about it all the time."

"You didn't answer my question," he said.

_**It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you, wishing I realized what I had when you were mine**_

"It never would have worked," she said coming back to reality. "We were too young and you couldn't love me. Your reputation preceded you."

"I told you I was willing to give it all up for you Quinn," he said in desperation. "You changed me and I fell in love. If you had let me, I would have given you the world."

_**I'd go back to December turn around and make it all right**_

"If I had the chance to do it all again, I would," she said.

"Would it change how you feel about me?" he asked seriously. "If you eant back and we could be a family, would it change the fact that you don't love me?"

_**I go back to December all the time**_

"I play the events over my head all the time," she said avoiding his question. "Everything would change."

"That isn't an answer," he pushed.

_**These days I haven't been sleeping**_

"I wanted to love you, I wanted to let myself need you," she said. "I wanted to tell you we could keep her."

"I think about her a lot," he said changing the subject. "I think about how she is growing up without us."

"I can't sleep I think about it so much," she sighed. "I can't sleep because I think about what I gave up, how I gave up you and our baby. I even think about it in my dreams."

_**Staying up playing back myself leavin'**_

"It doesn't matter because what's done is done," he said, wiping a tear from his eye before she could notice.

"It does matter though," she said in near tears herself. "You don't know how many times I relive that moment. How many times I go back to you telling me you loved me. In my dreams I do it differently. I tell you I love you and that we can keep Beth and be a real family and it all works out. Then I wake up and face the harsh reality that both of you are gone."

_**When your birthday passed and I didn't call**_

"It didn't have to be like that," he informed her. "Part of me knew you didn't love me back but I didn't think telling you would leave you cold and distant. You avoided me like the plague or something Quinn. I mean, it's been a year, why did you decide to finally talk to me now?"

_**And I think about summer all the beautiful times**_

"Because I wanted to remember what we had," she confessed, "not what we became."

"What do you mean?" he asked.

She laughed. "Do you remember the day we were making those cakes for the glee bake sale?"

"Yeah I remember," he half-smiled. It was one of his favorite memories. It was when he knew he loved her.

"Remember how happy we were?" she asked. "I mean it didn't start out that way."

"Yeah you called me a Lima Loser," he reminded.

"I know but it was that day that you showed me you weren't," she admitted. "It was that day that I questioned if I made the right decision telling everyone Finn was the father. It was that day that I questioned if Finn was the guy I wanted to be with."

_**I watched you laughing from the passenger side**_

"I, I didn't know that," he said a little stunned by her confession.

"No one did," she said softly.

"Remember when we babysat Mrs. Shuester's nephews?" he asked as it was his turn to reminisce.

"Yeah," she said with a small smile. "Those kids were little monsters but when we sang to them, it was kind of awesome how that worked. Watching you laugh and make them laugh, it showed father material."

_**Realized that I loved you in the fall**_

"I think I shocked myself too," he laughed.

"I guess it made me feel like I could be a mom after all," Quinn continued. "And then you, you were surprisingly great with them. When we stayed up talking after the kids were in bed, for like hours or something and you just laughed and made me laugh, I felt something special, almost like you and I could raise our baby together. I had feelings for you I shouldn't have had so I tried to bury them, pretend like they didn't exist."

"Did you mean it in the song, when you said you were going to keep the baby?" he asked after a few seconds of silence. He had never heard Quinn open up like that to him before. She never told him she had feelings for him. Ever.

"Yeah," she said with a slight nod. "I didn't think I could live without the baby or you at that point."

_**And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind**_

"What changed your mind?" he asked curiously.

She sighed. It was the painful truth she wished he never had to know. "You," she whispered, afraid to say it louder.

"Me?" he asked confused.

"When I found out you were sexting Santana that night, something in me just woke up," she confessed. "My head was telling me I was dreaming thinking you would ever commit to me and the baby even though my heart was saying otherwise. You sexting Santana however, made me realize my head was right. I was scared and that gave me a reason to convince myself you weren't the right one."

"Oh," he said nearly heartbroken. "You needed an excuse and I gave you one. Is that why you bolted that day in the hospital? You didn't trust me or something?"

_**You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye**_

"I wanted to believe you loved me," she said now crying. "I wanted to believe we could be a family, but that night, it just reminded me who you were. I couldn't believe that you wanted to settle down and raise a baby with me. It all felt like a dream. I expected you to leave and not care and when you did care, I didn't know what to do. Imagining our perfect family gave me something positive and I didn't want to lose that when you inevitably changed your mind."

_**So this is me swallowing my pride standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night**_

"So that's all you thought of me?" he interrupted. "I wanted to give you and our baby everything. I wasn't going to walk away like my dad did. I wasn't going to be a deadbeat."

"You didn't let me finish," she said. "I was wrong."

"You were wrong?" he questioned.

_**And I go back to December all the time**_

"I was wrong," she repeated. "If I had just given you a chance, I know you would have been the best boyfriend and dad possible. I know you would have loved me and Beth the way we needed but I was afraid. I already lost Finn and I didn't want to risk having my heart broken again."

_**It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you, wishing I realized what I had when I had you**_

"I wish you gave me that chance," he sighed. "I would have promised you I would never break your heart and I would have meant it."

"I know that now," she said locking her eyes with his, feeling his pain alongside her own. "I wish I realized that then."

"Me too," he said.

_**I'd go back to December turn around and change my own mind**_

"If I could change things I would," she sobbed. "I'd go back and tell my heart to keep fighting for you. I'd make my heart convince my head that we could make it work, that we could be a family."

He smiled at her weakly. "I'd change it all too."

_**I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile**_

"I miss that," she said.

"What?" he asked.

"Your smile," she answered. "I miss that. I miss everything about you. I miss how you could make me smile or laugh, or how you would hold me in your arms and tell me everything was going to be okay. I miss what we had. I miss what we could have had."

"I miss you too," he smiled at her. "I've never stopped missing you."

_**So good to me so right**_

"You were so perfect to me," she added. "When I was pregnant, even before everybody knew it was yours, you were just so amazing."

"No matter what happened, I was never going to let you do it alone," he told her.

"Even when I tore you down every chance I got, you were so good to me," she said. "I couldn't have done it without you. You made it all okay."

_**And how you held me in your arms that September night**_

"I told you, there was nothing I wouldn't do for you and Beth. Nothing," he said, "and that hasn't changed."

"When you held me and kissed me and told me everything was going to be okay that day when Finn found out the truth," she began, "I saw a new side of you. You could have been mad at me or gloated that you knew he would eventually find out but you didn't. You just being there, holding me even when I tried to push you away, it was exactly what I needed.

_**The first time you ever saw me cry**_

"I know I wasn't the person you wanted but that didn't matter to me," he admitted. "From that day on I knew I had the opportunity to step up like I promised you I would."

"I tried to push you away, I tried to make you leave," she said.

"I wasn't going anywhere," he informed her.

"I broke down into your arms crying," she said. "I didn't want you to see me cry. I didn't deserve you. After pushing you away for so long I didn't deserve to be comforted by you."

"I wanted to do it," he smiled as he took his hand and wiped a tear from her cheek. "I'd wipe every tear from your face and hold you in your arms every single time."

"I know that," she said as she put her hand on top of his, grasping it so that he could never let go.

_**Maybe this is wishful thinking**_

"You were everything to me," she started. "I knew it then and I know it now."

"You've always been everything to me," he said now holding both of her hands in his.

_**Probably mindless dreaming**_

"I've dreamed about us having a second chance," she said, "but all of those dreams end in nightmares."

"What kind of nightmares?" he asked.

"Nightmares of you saying you don't love me anymore, that you've moved on, that I'm too late."

_**I'd go back in time and change it but I can't**_

"The past is the past," he said. "We can't change it."

"I know," she sighed, "but I need you to know I'd change it if I could. I'd take back that day in the hospital. I'd bring Beth home."

_**So if the chain is on your door I understand**_

"I'll always love her and think about her," he admitted.

"I'm so sorry I took her from you," she sobbed. "That's why I was afraid to face you. After I gave her up and left you in the hospital, I thought you hated me. I couldn't handle having to see your face and the look of disappointment I knew I would see."

"It was pretty rough," he admitted, "especially since you weren't talking to me and I had no answers."

She sighed. "I understand if you never want to see me again, I just needed you to know. I'll get out of your life if that is what you want," she said as she began to walk away. She barely got a few feet when where they were standing before she felt a soft touch on her arm. It was him.

_**But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right**_

"What if I told you those nightmares were pointless," he smiled.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"What if I told you those dreams had happy endings?" he clarified. "What if I said that all of your regrets and mistakes were just distant memories of the past? What if I told you I forgave you, that I still love you, that I still want for there to be an us?"

_**But this is me swallowing my pride standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night**_

Shocked and surprised, she looked at him, tears in her eyes. "You mean it?" she asked.

"I mean it," he said.

"How can you still be so nice to me, how can you forgive me for everything I did?" she asked.

"Because I love you, because you are my first love and someone once told me you'll forgive your first love anything," he admitted.

"I was never grateful enough, I can never be sorry enough," she said, tears falling down her face.

"You don't have to be sorry anymore Q," he said as he cupped her face in his hands.

_**And I go back to December**_

"That, that day was the hardest day of my life," she said.

"I know," he said comfortingly.

"Losing you and Beth," she cried. "I had no one to talk to. You were the only one who understood how much it hurt losing her but I pushed you away, I thought for good."

_**It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you**_

"You didn't push me away for good," he reassured. He could tell she was still upset about everything.

"I thought I was doing the right thing, giving her up and pushing you away but I wasn't," she said. "Not a day goes by where I don't miss her and not a day goes by I don't think about you, realizing what a huge mistake I made."

_**Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine**_

"I already told you I'm not mad anymore, I never really was," he admitted. "I just wished you came and talked to me then. It would have saved us all a lot of heartache."

"You'll never know how much I wished I had," she said. "If only I realized then how different things could have been, how much better last year could have been. It could have been you and me. No pain, no heartache."

_**I'd go back to December turn around and make it all right**_

"It's in the past now," he said. "We can build a new future."

"I'd go back and erase the last year," she continued. "I would love you the way you deserved. I'd never let you go."

_**I'd go back to December turn around and change my own mind**_

"What is it going to take for you to trust me that the past is the past?" he asked with a bit of a laugh. "I love you, so much. I always will and no matter what mistakes from our past, we can get through it. You weren't the only one to make mistakes. I shouldn't have sexted Santana, I shouldn't have made you think I didn't care. It's all in the past though. All that we have to think about now is you and me and the great future that awaits us."

"It's not enough to say I'd go back and change my mind about you," she smiled. "I lost one year with you and I'll spend the rest of my life making up for that. I should have said this a long time ago but I didn't. I love you Noah Puckerman and I mean it. I am in love with you. You are my everything."

_**I go back to December all the time**_

"I never thought I'd hear you say those words," he said as he leaned in and kissed her on the lips.

"We never have to think about the past again," she smiled after the kiss was over. "It's all about the future now."

_**All the time**_

"Someday I'm going to marry you Quinn Fabray," he said with a huge smile on his face. "We're going to get out of this town and live a great life."

"And kids?" she asked happily, starting to dream about their life together.

"Of course," he added as he grabbed her hand and they began to walk together. "Tons of kids and a dog and a great big house and backyard. Can you see it?"

"It doesn't matter to me where we live as long as I have you," she said sweetly.

"I love you Quinn," he said looking into her eyes, noticing the pain was finally all gone. There was no more remorse or hurt. He knew then, things were going to be okay. They were going to work out. All they needed was love.

"I love you too," she said before pulling him for a kiss.

As the kiss ended, she smiled. The past was finally behind her and she finally had all that she ever wanted. She knew now that she could sleep easy knowing that the dreams would no longer be nightmares and that she would be happy for forever with him by her side.

_**AN: So the song…perfect right? My only question is why has Quinn not sang this to Puck yet on glee! Ughh RM needs to get on board this ship and get on board fast!**_


End file.
